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The Buzz
Releasing the hounds since 2005 “Think different … just not too different.” Maybe that should be
the new slogan over at Apple HQ in Cupertino. The House of iPod was rocked
this week when former senior vice president of Hardware Engineering Tim Bucher
filed a wrongful termination lawsuit claiming, among other things, that he was
dismissed from the company because he appeared to be having mental problems. Bucher’s
complaint, which seeks millions of dollars worth of withheld stock options in
addition to those nasty punitive damages, claims that shortly after an in-house
promotion, Apple founder/CEO/genius Steve Jobs told him that he sometimes
acted “manic-depressive” at work and that his co-workers “didn’t
know how to handle it,” adding, “I don’t know what I’m going
to do, but I think I’m going to have to ask you to leave the company.”
One would think that The Steve would know better than to say something that, if
true, would mean a slam-dunk win for Bucher in a court of law. Apple is taking
the “no comment” approach of crisis management. But that doesn’t
mean interested parties with inside information on this case couldn’t, say,
drop us an anonymous email to get their side of the story into the press. Just
thinking out loud here.
Somebody took a hammer or something to the window of Casablanca’s
Café – the former Jewish deli that recently became a falafel house
– on a recent Monday morning, badly cracking it, says its irritated owner
Fawaz Hamed. But Hamed, the Jordan-born son of Palestinians, otherwise
has plenty to celebrate. First of all, his fabulously spiced falafel sandwich
is a credit to food. Second, Hamed’s Arabic deli is open for business in
what used to be the Willow Glen Kosher Butcher at 1185 Lincoln Ave. Take
that, Mid-East peace negotiators. “There are a lot of Jewish people who love
falafel and hummus in this area,” Hamed observed. The friendly 50-year-old
father of five prepares food the Halal way, which basically means it’s kosher.
For example, when cutting lamb, one must slice forward only and not back again.
Then all the blood has to drip out in a disgusting homage to some holy cleanliness
concept. “All of us is from Adam and Eve,” Hamed said, bringing his
point home through the power of myth.
More closely related to Adam and Eve is Koko, the Paris Hilton of
gorillas. Recent Koko headlines have swung from her home in San Mateo County’s
city of Woodside to Comedy Central. But the sign-language speaker remains silent
as former Woodside Gorilla Foundation employees Nancy Alperin, Kendra Keller and
Iris Rivera implicate her in lawsuits filed last month in San Mateo County Superior
Court. Alperin, Keller and Rivera say they were told by foundation founder Francine
Patterson to flash Koko Girls Gone Wild-style, because the gorilla is a fan of
mammaries.
Will Koko ever get to tell her version of the sordid story? Gorilla Foundation
Attorney Todd Roberts thanked us for our inquiry, but didn’t say whether
he would call Koko to the stand. Koko speaks “a modified form of American
Sign Language,” according to the foundation.
“The biggest hurdle is not the sign language issue,” assuming a court-approved
interpreter could understand Koko, said Ellen Kreitzberg, who teaches a
course in evidence at Santa Clara University School of Law. “It’s the
competency issue. Can [Koko] understand and appreciate the taking of an oath?”
Koko would also need to show that she knows the difference between the truth and
a lie and that fibbing has consequences. “I suspect that would be very difficult
to prove with a gorilla,” Kreitzberg said. She clarified that since the Koko
cases are civil and not criminal, a jury of gorillas isn’t necessary to render
a verdict. In the event of criminal prosecution, finding 12 gorillas who haven’t
been influenced by all the press could be tricky. For now, the consensus is that
even calling Koko to the stand could cause problems. “The punishment for
perjury is jail,” noted local criminal defense attorney Tom Kelley,
who doubts the slammer’s much of a deterrent for a caged animal. Plus, “How
can you ever prove a gorilla is intentionally not telling the truth?”
Ah, but humans are hard to understand, too. Especially when they use code words
in an attempt not to offend anyone. Stanford University’s highly evolved
leaders recently announced plans to change the way students are fed in an effort
to save money and make enrollees happier. The school has decided to adopt the
Las Vegas style of dining.
Most Americans, especially those who have inhaled extra-oxygenated air while drinking
“for free” and making poor gambling choices until 5am, can appreciate
the all-you-can-eat buffet ideal. But Stanford has decided to call their new meal
plan “all-you-care-to-eat,” which is an annoying way of not saying “all-you-can-eat.”
When they change the phrase like that, they take the challenge out of it. You
just have to hope Stanford doesn’t take the same approach to its academics.
Anonymous tips: The Buzz hotline and email box have been overflowing with scandalous
messages detailing the exploits of the Silicon Valley’s rich and semi-famous.
We absolutely loved the message we got that outed a certain local publisher who
accepts gift certificates from his restaurant advertisers as payment … and
then sells the coupons on eBay. And we couldn’t stop listening to the multiple
voicemails from a certain luxury car salesperson who called us from the break
room to tell us which local television personality was in the showroom looking
to buy a $120,000 sedan but had horrible credit, including twice being sent to
collection for not paying an electric bill. If only the libel laws allowed us
to reprint transcriptions of these calls. If only. For now, all we can say about
this barrage of scuttlebutt is: more, please.
GOT AN ANONYMOUS TIP? FEED THE BUZZ HERE: THEBUZZ@THEWAVEMAG.COM
OR CALL (408) 467-3255.
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